At somewhat of a standstill

I've been definitely feeling down-and-out the last few days, by which I mean a sort-of depression, but not neccessarily about much. I finished a semester of grad school and that was very tough and I'm very proud of myself for finishing that with a higher GPA, since then I've just been pretty lazy, and maybe a little depressed or empty but i'm not entirely sure about what, so maybe i can try to figure that out here.

I haven't had much social motivation lately to try to find people to hang out with or dates or hook-up opportunities. It could be described as something like a lower sex-drive but it's kind of across the board.

This weekend, for example, I just dreaded. I think I dread the weekends in the sense that the weekends is a time of pressure. It's a time where your schedule is blank.

During the weekdays, you go about your life and you try and find time for the fun and the social in between what it is you have to do and there's no pressure to have fun, or to write or to pursue your hobbies or to be social. The weekends, you feel pressure to make something out of your day, whether social or whether it is experiencing the world, and you want to feel like you did something come Sunday night.

Obviously, this is just one weekend at a time, but you don't want to look aruond and think my friends are all married, engaged, doing this or that, and i'm hardly ever getting a date, or I'm still living at home without health insurance whereas my friends have solid jobs. There is pressure to pursue some of my larger goals that I have more time to ponder why they're not coming true over the weekend. Obviously, the solution is to disown my current friends and find a set of friends who are losers so i feel good by association. No, I'm just kidding.

I think I don't feel like exerting the energy any more to call my friends and other people over the weekend and be like "what are you doing?" because I'm a little tired of looking desperate. I'm clearly one of those people who needs to reach out to others rather than someone who people naturally seek out in their plans. I'm clearly also an extrovert which means I need a social element in my life as well.

But seriously, I'm definitely slowing down lately on even trying on the weekend. Anyway, thanks for letting me share